Humpty Dumpty
by Insidiae
Summary: Oneshot, Tobito theory, Deidara POV. But then I remind myself that this isn’t the Uchiha any more, and he never will be again. This is Tobi, blundering, bumbling Tobi. A shell of the man he once was.


I am an obsessive Tobito theorist. It must be true. IT MUST. And so, the story of how Tobi came to be, from Deidara's eyes.

So anyways, this story was inspired by (ripped off of) the amazing story Fear by the amazing authoress blacknoise on livejournal. Read her story now.

Warning: Death by the word "yeah." Slightly psycotic sounding Deidara because I believe everyone in Akatsuki, with the exception of Kisame, is just a little bit special. And by special I mean nuts. Spoilers like nothing else I've ever written (Read as: Any spoiler you can think of), and support of yet to be proven theory.

I own nothing.

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I always thought Humpty Dumpty was a beautiful rhyme, yeah. 

My mother, or at least, what I remember of her before she died (my life before Akatsuki is generally a blur – I've decided to forget the times of my life when I wasn't allowed to practice my art), was a kind woman, a free spirit, yeah. I think she had a nice voice, and she would always soothe me with that rhyme.

It's lovely, yeah, isn't it?

A lot of kids know it, but they seem shocked when they find out what the words actually say. I always found this annoying, yeah. Those know-nothing children can appreciate art as ignorants, but as soon as they find out the artist's true purpose, they find it horrifying. Such ignorance.

I, on the other hand, thought the words were magnificent, yeah. Don't you agree?

Uchiha Obito sat on a rock wall,

Uchiha Obito had a great fall.

All Leader's horses, and all Leader's men,

Couldn't put Obito back together again.

It should've ended like that, yeah. There would've been nothing better. His death, so sudden and unexpected, would've been the most beautiful thing. That's how I want to die, yeah.

But Sasori-danna and Orochimaru disagreed.

I was kind of mad when Zetsu-san reported him, yeah. Sasori-danna was pulled aside by the creepy immortality-bent snake and was whisked off to collect him, leaving me alone, yeah! Apparently, the possibility of attaining the Sharingan trumped me. I don't see what's so great about it. Itachi-san has it and uses it well, yeah, but we're Akatsuki! We're the strongest missing-nin out there, yeah!

…It wasn't enough.

I was invited to watch them revive him. Sasori-danna wanted to prove a point to me, yeah. He said that if they could aquire the Sharingan and use it, that it would prove that art was something long lasting. I didn't understand at the time, and I'm not sure I do now, but I think it has to do with the Mangekyou's ability to control time and space, yeah.

So I watched them work, and had to resist the incredibly urge to just chuck a clay bird at his unconscious body and watch it blow to smithereens. Nothing could be more fitting, yeah? But it would've made Sasori-danna angry, so I refrained.

Uchiha Obito sat on a rock wall.

Uchiha Obito had a great fall.

All Leader's horses and all Leader's men,

Couldn't put Obito back together again.

It's true, yeah. They couldn't put him back together, no matter how hard they tried. Orochimaru was the first to give up on him, claiming that he wasn't cut out to be a ninja, Sharingan or not, and then turned his attentions back to Itachi-san. Sasori-danna tried a little more on his own, but he could not replace what was lost.

A Sharingan user was pitiful with only one eye, yeah.

They should've known it was impossible from the start. He was a cracked egg, yeah, and no matter how hard you want it, it"s impossible to put a yolk back in it's shell once it's been broken. I told Sasori-danna, yeah. I told him this proved I was right, that art really is fleeting, and I think that this is what pushed him over the edge. He thought it was a waste. There was an egg in a frying pan, and nobody was cooking it, yeah.

So Sasori-danna didn't put him back together, but made an omelette out of him instead. He added his puppet materials like salt and pepper and preserved what little of him wasn't completely crushed. He gave him a mask and dubbed his latest creation "Tobi."

And then he forgot about it, yeah. I knew he would, because all art is eventually forgotten if it lasts too long. Art is fleeting, yeah.

Now Sasori-danna is dead, and my biggest regret is that I was unable to prove to him that I was right. "Look how you died, Sasori-danna!" I want to say to him. "No long term sickness, just a crushed heart! How quick." But I can't. I can't, because he IS dead, and dead man tell no tales, nor hear no claims. It's a shame, yeah, but at least he died beautifully.

Now Tobi stands next to me, because he found Sasori-danna's ring. I am sometimes struck with the urge to make him explode in a wonderful instant death like the one he should have gone through all those years ago, yeah. But then I remind myself that this isn't the Uchiha any more, and he never will be again. This is Tobi, blundering, bumbling Tobi. A shell of the man he once was.

I'm sure that Uchiha Obito was once a beautiful person, yeah, but he is no longer with us. He died that day, no matter what Sasori-danna said.

And what a beautiful, fleeting death it was.

Crack.

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Oh gods, what have I done to Deidara? I think I've completely slaughtered his character. TT.TT 

Please Review.

-Insidiae-


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